Often children battle to engage in conversation. Sometimes parents may feel embarrassed when their child won’t talk or simply replies “yes” or “no”, to someone who is trying to engage in a conversation. It has been researched and it is felt that the skill of good conversation should be taught to children and modelled by their parents. In today’s times, technology has contributed to children being less socially mature than those in earlier generations. Today’s younger generation prefer to look at a screen than using eye contact to engage with a person and make conversation. It is important to raise “other-centered kids”, and not “self centered kids”.
It is also essential for parents to realise that from the time their children are born, it is important to talk to, and with them. The conversation parents have with their children need not be mundane and repetitive; it can be interesting if we teach children what makes a good conversation. Children need to learn that conversation involves “give” and “take”, therefore both participants in the conversation are involved. There is a listener and a speaker, and children need to learn the “rules” of conversation, such as not interrupting, maintaining eye contact, turn taking, and learning to say please and thank you. This is also known as pragmatics, or the socially appropriate use of language. Children need to learn to have a meaningful conversation, and need to be taught these skills, as they don’t always come naturally to most children.
There are many ideas to teach our children the art of conversation, or how to become a better conversationalist. Here are a few ideas:
1. Talk to your children:
It is important for parents to talk to their children at every opportunity about everything and anything. Parents need to make the time, even for short periods to sit and talk to their children
2. Practice active listening:
This refers to paying attention to what the other person is saying, and really listening, without getting distracted. Body language is also important, e.g. use of facial expression.
3. How to get to the main point of the story:
Often, young children, battle to work out what the main point of the story is, so they repeat facts. They need to be taught what the main point of the story is, so that other people do not lose interest. This can be discussed with a child.
4. Take a deep breath:
It is also important to learn when to pause in a conversation. Children need to learn the value of silence in a conversation, and that they do not need to talk all the time and dominate a conversation
5. It is important to learn:
A further important point is that children need to know that they can’t hold a decent conversation if they don’t know about anything. It is therefore important to stimulate your children, by reading to them or encouraging them to read, visiting museums etc., so that they can enrich their minds and by so doing, will have something to talk about. When the children are slightly older one can also talk to them about politics, current and world events, in order to increase their general knowledge
6. Develop questions:
It has been suggested that children learn to ask their conversation partner a question that can be used to develop a conversation
7. Develop empathy:
It has been said that a person is a good conversationalist if they have empathy, in other words if they can put themselves into the other persons place.
8. Value silence:
Children should be encouraged to be silent at times, which can be difficult for some children. They need to learn that just because they have something to say, they don’t always have to say it.
9. Be polite:
Children need to learn to be tactful. If they know more about a certain topic than others, it is important not to make others feel ignorant. This is a good life lesson to learn
10. Practice:
Children can be taught that conversation is a back and forth exchange, not a lecture. This can be taught by means of a game such as throwing a ball to another person and each time the ball is thrown a question is asked and then the other person has to answer. This is a good visual representation, to teach turn taking, and to illustrate giving and receiving in a conversation. (As is suggested by Czarneicki, in the Star article, by Sarah Hamaker)
11. It is also important to realise that some children are extroverts and some are introverts, Some people are shy and would rather be left alone instead of conversing and making conversation. However a child needs to learn that shyness is not an excuse to be rude. Therefore this type of child needs to be encouraged to be comfortable in various social situations. Extroverted children also need to learn skills to help them converse with others, without having to be the centre of attention all the time.
12. Use the “clue in” principle.
If a guest is coming and you want the child to converse with him, you can “clue” your child about the guest’s interests, so the child will be able to try and make conversation with him. This can make the situation less awkward and can result in the person feeling valued.
13. Create a list of questions:
This can help a child feel more comfortable if he has ideas or questions to ask a person.
In conclusion, talking with our children should be enjoyable for them and us. If we provide the correct guidance for our children, we can help them to become good conversationalists.
References:
–http://www.etiquetteforeveryday.com/raising-kids-to-be-conversationalists
-http”//www.washingtonpost.com/../10-ways-to-help-your-child-to-be-a-good-conv
-Star article, Sarah Hamaker, “10 ways to help your child be a good conversationalist,”, (The star, lifestyle verve, May 13th, 2015)
Comments are closed