Adolescence

I recently presented workshops on adolescence and the various issues that are relevant in their lives. I conducted 4 workshops for adolescents between 12 and 18 years, with boys and girls addressed separately, about 10 in each group. These are some of the issues discussed and dealt with in the workshop, as well as the feedback received. 

The goal of the workshops was to provide the young people with the knowledge in order to make good choices in their lives. I tried to provide the skills necessary to create healthy relationships with themselves, their friends and the opposite sex.

The following are some of the issues that were touched on:

• Physical and emotional changes during puberty
• friendship
• peer pressure
• bullying
• self-esteem/self-confidence
• having good values
• good personal hygiene
• stress
• depression
• temptations
• addictions to alcohol
• drugs
• healthy sexuality and body image
• handling fears
• conflict management
• managing emotions
• healthy relationships.
• The various phases of adolescence were discussed -early adolescence from 12 to 14 years, mid adolescence, 14 to 17 years, and late adolescence 17 to 20 years.
• The workshop included a discussion of normal development from childhood to adulthood, including the social, emotional and cognitive changes that occur.  This included talking about achieving independence, learning to relate to peers, developing confidence and coping with physical and emotional changes of puberty. The most important area dealt with in the workshops was how to build up self-esteem and how to value and respect yourself as an individual.

Children and adults need to be respected as worthwhile individuals, and they were taught that positive interactions and positive reinforcement will build people’s self-esteem – as opposed to being ignored, put down, criticized and devalued.

We spoke about negative and positive feelings that adolescents may experience. Some of the negative feelings include: worry, easily offended, inconsistency ( erratic behaviour), restless, feeling self-conscious, embarrassment, feelings of awkwardness, depression, feelings of isolation and disappointment. The positive feelings discussed were: optimism, hopefulness and excitement. We discussed that it’s normal to experience these feelings at different stages of your life. It was emphasised that if anyone experienced overwhelming feelings of depression, sadness, grief, or isolation, they needed to speak to someone, to arrange for possible counselling sessions.

Many of the boys said that they would rather keep their feelings inside of themselves and bottle them up, rather than talking to someone. The girls said they would speak to someone that they would trust. Many of the adolescents in the group had trust issues. We also mentioned that most people have difficulties and challenges in their lives, which can be frustrating and difficult but can also build up strength and resilience.

The advantages and disadvantages of social media were discussed in an open and interactive discussion and it appeared as if the groups were aware of the dangers involved, such as cyber bullying, and chat rooms.

The importance of peer groups/friendships were discussed, in terms of the positive benefits, such as support, a safe space to discuss feelings or conflicts, and the negative influences, such as a peer group that goes against your own values and becomes a negative influence (which may be difficult if you want to fit in and be accepted. It was agreed that one should stand up for what you believe in, rather than being pressured to conform to peer pressure, or values that you don’t agree with.

To end off, ideas were provided how to build up self-esteem. The group members contributed to some of the following ideas, which were:

• Being with people that are positive and supportive
• Trying not to compare themselves to others, think about all of their positive qualities, and to make a list of their successes
• Self affirmations, e.g. saying to yourself, “I like myself and accept myself”.
• Accepting compliments by saying “thank you” instead of brushing them aside.
• Not putting themselves down, being negative, and underestimating themselves.
• Be true to yourself, in other words, stop trying to “people please”, rather try to follow your own dreams and lead the life you want to live. Feel good about yourself. Stop trying to make decisions in your life to please family and friends
• Understand that not everyone has to like you, and you don’t have to like everyone
• Try to distance yourself from toxic friends.
• Allow yourself to be human – we all make mistakes, which is fine, as long as you learn from them.
• Do things that you enjoy, so that you feel valuable and worthwhile.

Overall it was felt that the workshops conducted were largely successful. The adolescents participated and contributed valuable ideas. Ideas for further workshops were discussed, and a follow up was recommended. Their feelings about the workshop, topic and content, were discussed.

References:
-“Adolescent counselling skills course”, Family Life Centre course, 2009
–http://www. therapyideas.net/parenting.htm
–http://www.familylife.co.za/teen.html