Miscarriage is rarely talked about, although almost 50% of pregnancies end in miscarriage. Society tends to neglect the overwhelming and devastating psychological effects that miscarriage has on both partners. Coping with miscarriage may be one of the most difficult losses a woman has to deal with. Research has indicated that loss of a pregnancy can effect a woman and her family for a year. In the past miscarriage has been a private event that was grieved for largely by the mother on her own. Recent research has shown that some woman may mourn for a longer period than expected, even following the birth of a healthy child, but the severity and range of symptoms may vary. Even though a miscarriage is medically common, the impact of a miscarriage is often underestimated. It is a traumatic loss but can also be seen as a loss of the woman’s sense of self, hopes, and dreams for the future. Thus it must b understood that a woman who has a miscarriage is more at risk for depression and anxiety symptoms in the years that follow. A woman who has miscarried also has a higher risk of post natal/postpartum depression,according to the research that has been carried out.
Miscarriage can be seen as a complicated kind of loss. In today’s times, with advanced detection of pregnancy and advanced technology, the unborn baby can become part of our consciousness soon after conception. Attachment to the unborn baby thus starts early. As a result of this, a miscarriage can leave a woman feeling empty and incomplete. A woman needs time to mourn for her lost baby and lost dreams, and to deal with the psychological impact and the associated physical trauma of the miscarriage. Following a miscarriage the levels of grief can range widely. Every loss follows a stage of denial, shock, bargaining, anger and depression, which occur before the acceptance stage. Mothers may also struggle to manage the needs of a healthy child following the loss. This indicates that miscarriage could have a psychological impact on current and future children. One of the misconceptions about miscarriage is that a woman will experience less grief and mourning if she loses the baby early in the pregnancy, but research has indicated that there is no association between length of pregnancy and the intensity of depression, anxiety, and grief. We can help woman who have experienced a miscarriage by labeling this as a traumatic loss which validates their experience. Woman often tend to blame themselves for the miscarriage, even when this is an inaccurate perception, to try and make sense of the trauma. They may experience feelings of guilt and blame, and will especially blame themselves, if they had ambivalent feelings at the beginning of the pregnancy. It’s important for these women to be aware of the fact that their ambivalence did not result in the miscarriage. A further myth that surrounds miscarriage, is that fathers are not effected by the miscarriage, and as a result of this myth, the father’s feelings are often dismissed, but a man may suffer from masked depression following the miscarriage. It is also essential to be aware of the fact that the pregnancy hormones can continue to create emotional turmoil for the woman. Support systems need to be put into place so that miscarriage can be seen as less of a societal taboo.
Causes of miscarriage:
Miscarriage can occur due to a variety of reasons, such as fibroids, cervical problems, hemorrhaging, maternal illness, lifestyle, umbilical problems, and incompatibility between the mother and babies’ blood groups. This can occur in the first, second or third trimester, but nearly half of all miscarriages and still births occur for no apparent or obvious reason.
Ways to cope:
Each woman will react differently to a miscarriage or stillbirth, but most women would benefit from counselling. Counselling can help to identify feelings and reduce the risk of psychological and emotional problems later on. It is also essential to be aware of the fact that each person is an individual, and everyone takes a different ammount of time to heal.Acknowledge your loss:
Each mother should mourn in the way that feels right for her. Usually in a miscarriage the social rites associated with death are absent which makes it more difficult for the parents to accept the reality of the loss. A small private ceremony could be held. It could also be helpful to speak to your doctor once you are over the shock to establish the reason for the miscarriage.
Let yourself grieve:
Be aware of the stages of grief as you go through them, and feel the emotion, which will help you to process the miscarriage.
Consider your partner:
It is important to be aware that men and woman grieve differently, and can be in different stages in the grief cycle. The couple needs to be gentle and tolerant towards each other. Men usually talk less about their feelings – so often the impact of the miscarriage on men goes unnoticed or unrecognised. It is important to communicate as a couple instead of blaming and resenting each other.
Offload with others:
A support group could be beneficial, this will enable you to share experiences at support meetings or online.
Adjust to the new reality:
You may need to take time off work or have a change of scenery. It is important to realise that you are not alone and if you reach out, you will find that there are others that are happy to help you.
How to support a friend who miscarries:
- Never underestimate the effect and impact of the miscarriage on a friend, however early
- Remember the anniversary of her loss can evoke strong feelings of loss and depression
- If you feel she is depressed suggest getting further help, such as counselling
- Don’t say you know how she feels, unless you also experienced a miscarriage
- Don’t offer platitudes, such as “it’s for the best”
- Don’t try and minimize the loss
- Try to encourage her to express her pain and anger
- Be there for her, by simply listening and holding her
- Don’t be afraid to talk about the baby or her loss.
Useful contacts:
-SADAG (South African Depression and Anxiety Group): 0800567567, (they can also assist to help you find support groups in your area)
References:
-Child magazine, Joburg’s best guide for parents, August, 2014, (article called “living with loss”, by Glynis Horning)
–http://www.apa.org/monitor/2012/06/miscarriage.aspx
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